i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
(my mind right now)
so today he finally asked the official question and i can finally, officially say: i have a boyfriend :) and i love him so much.
im finally gonna be a senior :D
in a year, im finally gonna graduate and leave this fucking town where i hate everyone and everything and im gonna go and do whatever the fuck i want. yep, that’s the plan c:
oh, and im finally gonna meet my bf in 13 months! :D i can’t believe this is really happening. i can’t wait :)
sometimes i think i don’t have anyone, that no one cares about me, that no one loves me. the truth? he loves me. my best friends love me. my sister loves me. sometimes im too blind to see that.
today my best friend told me that my boy sent her a message (they don’t even know eachother!) on fb asking her how i was doing and if i was okay and he just wanted to know that i was fine. and they talked and she asked him to give me some space and to please not fuck me up again. i read that conversation and they were talking about me like i was the most amazing and greatest person on the planet and saying that i deserved the best and i didn’t deserve to be going through this shit and i just started crying cause i didn’t know that they cared so much about me, specially my best friend. she’s deff. someone who’s always gonna be there for me no matter what, and he’s an amazing guy and that’s why i decided to forgive him. after 3 days. but shit happens right? and i guess this shit needed to happen so that i would know and appreciate how lucky i am to have him, and he needed this too. so i don’t regret asking him for a break. it was one of the greatest mistakes i’ve ever made.
2 days of torture. 2 days of pain. 2 days of agony. 2 days of faking a smile. 2 days of feeling like the shittiest person in the planet. 2 days without talking to you. 12 more days to go…
i told my bf i was still mad at him for what he did. i asked him for a break and i just know things will never be the same. last night was the first time i ever saw him cry and he ever saw me cry because of him. i don’t have anyone in my life to talk to about this. i’ve been alone crying in my room the whole day listening to music and trying to get over this. i can’t get over it. i don’t know what im gonna do. my best friend doesn’t care about me and im trying to tell her what happened to me last night and what im going through but she’s ignoring me. she won’t answer my messages and she gets offline when i talk to her. i guess im just alone and i dont have anyone and right now i wish i could just go away somewhere new and far and somewhere i could meet new people and talk to them and just tell them my life story and they’d listen to me and give me some type of advice. why did he have to cheat on me?! WHY?! i try to be the best girl to him all the time. where did i go wrong? what did i do?? why did he feel the need to do that?! am i that worthless? i can’t handle this. i wanna cry and cry and cry and drown in my own tears.
it’s been more than a month. i should be over this already. but im not…
i have no idea what im doing for that to happen, but whatever it is, im gonna keep doing it :)
